Friday, June 4, 2010

Lessons Learned

This will be my final post on my weekend with the kids and ex-wife. I have given her too much attention and that was not my intent. I wrote this at the airport as we were waiting to come back to Honolulu.
As I reflect on my weekend, I realized that in spite of the drama and dread, I did come away with something.
After the gathering at the ex’s house on Saturday, and dinner out with the crowd, I saw her for what she is. She is an insecure, bitter woman. She was trying so hard to impress everyone that she came across as loud and crazed. She made a few comments to my husband and in-laws to prove to everyone that she knew them all so well. It couldn’t have a comfortable thing for her boyfriend and it certainly didn’t make me happy.
I had spent so much time and energy dreading the weekend and worrying about looking better than her that I missed the point of the whole thing. I saw my husband’s daughter soak up the attention we gave her like a sponge. For the first time in a very long time she looked truly happy. She tends to shrink in the company of my daughter because my kid is so outgoing and has such personality that it intimidates the other kid. I know now why she cowers under that kind of behavior. Her mother steals the show all the time. The girl never has the full attention when mom is around because she demands all of it.
I also walked away knowing how blessed I am. I have the wonderful husband this woman was too stupid to keep. I have the life that so many would love to have. Her loss is definitely my gain.
The biggest revelation I walked away with was that I am better than her. I didn’t care anymore who looked better in a dress or who had nicer shoes. I looked around her house and at her pitiful attempt to entertain with her pre-packaged food on simple plates instead of the home cooked food on lovely serving dishes that I would have provided. I watched her serve slices of a cookie monster cake she picked up as an afterthought on coffee cup saucers instead of desert plates and knew I had it better. I know those things are petty but they made me feel good.
I don’t have to compete with her, I already beat her. I’m happy, I make her ex-husband happy and that truly is the best revenge.


Anonymous said...

Great insite!
Love that you came to a bit of understanding on the daughter, too. I am sure that will help you develop a great grown-up relationship with her.
Note to self: buy dessert plates!

Enjoy that island while you can!

Ordinary Mom said...

It's not about who has the best shoes, body, or clothes it is about who is really there for the kid. It is about who cares enough to take the time to really make it special and do what is right. You did that even when you dreaded it. That is what makes you a great mom and stepmom!