Friday, August 27, 2010

Going Home

Today I leave my newly enrolled college student and fly back to Rhode Island. This is hard for me. I knew it would be but now that I'm hours away from getting on a plane, the reality is setting in.
I have been this way with all three kids.
I took my son off to college when I was a young 37 years old. Yes, I had him when I was WAY too young. I took him three hours away and cried all the way home. I wondered, "who's going to take care of him"  My middle child left home in a rebellious huff when she turned 18. She lived in town and we had a rocky relationship. She made bad choices and I grieved through it all. We managed to grow close through this, even though she wouldn't take my wise advice and come home to attend school. I left her to move to Hawaii two years later and it was the hardest thing I ever did. I cried.
Here we are, several years later, and the baby is leaving. Y'all.. I haven't been without one of my kids (the ones I birthed) in my house with me since I was 18 years old.
Callie is doing well. She's more prepared for this than the other two were and that's thanks to having a father figure in her life that the other two missed out on. She's confident, strong and oh so smart. I know she'll be fine.
She's crowded into a dorm room with two other girls and that's stressful. She's ready for classes to start so she has routine.  She has her brother down the road as well as his fiance. I KNOW she'll be fine. It's still hard.
I will cry today. (who am I kidding? I've been crying already!)  She's taking me to the airport. I'm leaving her with all the tools she needs to do well. I'm so stinkin' proud, but it's a bittersweet time.
It's a good thing I have a 15 year old boy at home who needs me. I need to get back, get him started in school and make sure HE has the tools he needs to leave home in a few years.
Thanks for letting me have a pity party. I'll be ok, I just need a moment.

On a more positive note, I am ready to be home and to sleep in my own bed. I need routine. I crave it. I haven't had routine in months now. If I don't get my routine back soon, I may lose it. Next week, Alex starts school and I can figure it all out!


Renee said...

You have prepared for both of you for this day since the day she was born! Grab some Keleenex have a huge cry, find a Mimosa at the airport and go home...with the pride in knowing she going to be fine!

Big Hugs to you Paula!

Expat Girl said...

I hope through the tears that you can smile with pride and wake up to a new day tomorrow in your comfortable bed ready for this new phase in life

Jane said...

Oh my goodness! I know the pain you speak of! You wouldn't be a great mom if you didn't feel so sad. Your kids are lucky to have you.

Peppermint Ph.D. said...

I'm with you all the way, Sister. Mine is driving me crazy this afternoon bc we nixed an "after the game" party tonight. Got wind from other parents that there would be alcohol...and lots of it. Got one mad teenager on my hands right now...days like these make me anxious to let her go ;)
Days like these really make me worry about the choices she'll make when we're not there to nix the bad choices. :(
Hang in there!

Mindee@ourfrontdoor said...

Oh gracious. I can't let my brain go to where you are just yet. It must feel good knowing she's prepared though. Keep us posted.

USMCWIFE said...

I know how you feel, and I am happy I only have to do this one time! I seen him yesterday for a few hours, I hadn't been that excited to see his sweet face since they day he was born. It was a bit easier leaving him this time, he seems so happy and it just made me happy. I am sure you will prepare your newest nestling to fly away too one day!

Michelle said...

*hugs* sorry you had to leave your baby, i'm dreading that day. be strong mom. you raised an amazing young women.