Monday, April 12, 2010

What is normal?

I'm an Army wife and I've been married to my Soldier almost 6 years. During those 6 years, we've been apart more than together. Because of this, I wonder do I have what it takes to "stick" when he's home all the time.
Don't misunderstand, I dearly love my husband and I desperately want him home and not away at war or training, but it's taking me longer to get to "normal".  What is normal?  Do today's military families even know? All we know is pre-deployment, sending our loved ones away, getting  ready for re-deployment, maybe a PCS thrown in there and then guess what? Pre-deployment activities again.
We adapt and we do very well (most of the time) Does that mean it's normal? I get antsy when the man is home for a four day weekend. He needs to go back to work! Maybe all marriages are that way...too much together time can be frustrating.
I wonder how this "normal" we have is affecting the children of the military families. Our kids are mostly grown and we only have one at home. Are the younger kids growing up thinking that daddies don't stay home? Are they prepared for a life that's more "normal"?
I love being an Army wife. I absolutely LOVE my husband. I wouldn't trade this for the world, but I wonder if it puts a strike against me as I constantly re-acquaint myself with my husband.
On a positive spin, I have a new honeymoon every few years. I can celebrate every day instead of just special days.
Good or bad, it's my life. It's just another reason to admire those families married to the military. They definitely do their part to serve their country.


Anonymous said...

The other day I said to my kids that I saw Mr. X (teacher at their school) with his kids. My son said, "oh, I didn't know he was married." I said, well you don't have to be married to have kids, but it usually works out best that way. He said he was going to have kids when he was married "So His Wife Could Do All The Work". I pulled over the car and had a little talk with him. Thankfully DH was in the car too, so he added to the conversation. I sure hope he does not have the warped sense that I do everything. While I CAN do everything while DH is away, it is so much better to share a little bit of the everything. I sure hope I am raising him to be a good husband!
With DH being a reservist, he is gone at least one weekend a month. I have to say I don't mind it. Well, until it is like 3 weekends out of the month....then I mind it.
I am sure you are doing just fine with the kids. I know we had a few bumps when DH came home, I hope you are in the smooth sailing part of it all!

Mindee@ourfrontdoor said...

Well, if it helps, I'll tell you that I consider myself happily married but a four day weekend would have me crawling the walls. And we both enjoy having the house to ourselves.

I know the saying, "it is what it is" is overused but . . . well . . .it is. Families do what they have to do and everyone has their own normal.

Anonymous said...

No. I totally get it. I love my husband, but I like routine, and I am not used to him being home all day long. He likes to nap and eat ice cream all day . . . I got laundry to do, dude! Out of my way! :) ha!

Paula said...

I'm glad you "non-military" wives have the same issues! The bottom line is that I'm a creature of habit and my habit has become order in the house and by myself. I do love having him home though :)

Anonymous said...

Haha, when Jerad broke his back in January (a week before our wedding) and was on 30 days of convalescent leave, it was a roller coaster, let me tell you! I loved having him home, since he had recently redeployed from Iraq, but all that together time can make you go crazy. For the most part we loved it, though...especially as newlyweds :)

Peppermint Ph.D. said...

While I certainly think military wives have a very particular situation that none of us "non-military wives" can even begin to imagine, I do think that all marriages go through what you've described to some extent. Everybody needs their own matter how much you love each other, you don't always want to be together every minute of every day...I can't even imagine! Different personalities compliment each other well in a relationship...but different personalities together all the time and somebody winds up dead ;)

Michelle said...

my civilian friends will tell you my marriage is not normal. they don’t understand why i allow him to deploy. *lol* like the Army gives me the option. i wouldn’t mind if this whole home a year gone a year routine would come to an end. but i wouldn’t want him home 24/7 either, i’m dreading his retirement!

Little T said...

Late to the mix on this post. But wanted to add to it. I wrote a similar post about surviving a 4 day weekend as well. And I think it is our normal. It makes us strong in a very different way. Great post and I love your writing.

Lived in hawaii off and on for 11 yrs (mil family and then married army)hope you are enjoying it.