Lately, I just can’t want to do a lot of things. I can’t want to clean this house. After all, it just gets dusty again, and the dog hair comes back and needs vacuuming again. The clothes pile up in the basket and the bathroom gets cruddy all over again.
I can’t want to make the phone calls I need to book a hotel room for us on our way out of Hawaii and our way into Rhode Island. I can’t want to call the bank and see what’s involved in getting a release of lien so I can take the car we still owe money on out of the state of Hawaii and back to the mainland.
I can’t want to take my daughter to Texas and leave her after having her in the next room for 19 years. It’s not the empty nest that bothers me, I have the 15 yr old coming to live with us...it is simply the fact of letting her go. My husband doesn’t get it. He keeps telling me this is what you raised her to do, to be a responsible adult and live her life. I get that, I really do, but I’m still going to miss her. This is a pattern for me. Every time a kid left home, I’ve gone into a funk. I’m a mom, I can’t help it.
I think I can’t want to do anything else right now, because I can’t want to let her go. I didn’t realize where it was coming from until I sat here and started typing it out. So, instead of sitting around in a dirty house with laundry piled up, I think I’ll get started getting things done and enjoy these last two months in Hawaii, with my beautifully grown up daughter, and start looking forward to the next chapter of all our lives and move on.
A picture of the kid with her dog. Oh look, she has the dog on the furniture. Maybe I won't miss her after all!